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Louie: Season 2, Episode 9

1. ((For those of you thinking "It's so long, why would I read that?" All I can say is you're missing out. One of the best scenes I've ever watched on television, no joke. And it's on hulu, for free, for another three days I think. GO NOW! WATCH THAT EPISODE!!! Or just read the transcript for the scene here.))
2. Louie: So whats up man?
3. Eddie: Okay look, I know I burned our bridge, you know. We're old friends and all that, hurray, but I got no bridges left. I burned all the bridges, I burned roads, I burned the trails, I burned the hiking path. Ih- it's all gone.
4. Louie: So what do you need?
5. Eddie: I don't need anything. I just want to talk to you. I want to tell you something.
6. Louie: Okay.
7. Eddie: [mockingly] Okay? Okay?
8. Louie: Yeah I'm listening. Go ahead.
9. Eddie: Alright man, look, I'm cashing in. I'm done. I'm forty-shit years old. I got nothing. I got nobody. And I don't want anything. I don't want anybody. And thats the worst part, when the want goes. Thats - thats bad. Suffering is one thing; not having is one thing; but when you just don't care anymore, you know? I've gone soft in the last three pussies I've been in. You get to a point where you go “maybe it's time to put a period at the end of my-” whatever this was.
10. Louie: So you're gonna quit comedy?
11. Eddie: [laughs] how dense are you? Comedy? Who gives a shit about comedy man?
12. Louie: Well then what are you talking about?
13. Eddie: My life! I'm going to end it. I – I went to a doctor, listen to me. I went to a doctor, and I'm just trying to get a scrip for ambien and I'm bull shitting the guy, the whole fear of flying nonsense, like I've ever been on a plain in my career, and the doctor gets this look on his face like he knows, like he's going to chuck me out of the office. All of the sudden, he gives me these. [takes out pill bottle] It's phenomadrine
14. Louie: What is it?
15. Eddie: He tells me “only take one of these a week”. It's like the strongest most dangerous shit this side of Bangkock. He tells me “do not take more than one. Two of these'll stop your heart.”
16. Louie: A doctor gave you those?
17. Eddie: Yeah, it made no sense at first. I mean look at me. [wheezing laugh] Take one look at me, you're gonna give me these with a verbal warning?
18. Louie: Well why would he do that?
19. Eddie: Because he took one look at me and he realized thats the only prescription thats gonna improve my life, death.
20. Louie: Jesus Christ Eddie.
21. Eddie: No, the guy's right. The guy probably deserves a nobel prize. And I don't need a second opinion. I'm going to Maine, I'm gonna do my show, get a lobster roll maybe, get a motel room, and throw three of these things down my head with some Konyack.
22. Louie: Why are you here telling me this right now?
23. Eddie: You know [chuckles] I don't know. I guess I just wanted to say good bye to someone. If I leave a note it's just gonna get burned with my clothes. So I figured you for the one guy that, you know, I could say adios to.
24. Louie: Eddie this is bullshit you can't kill yourself.
25. Eddie: Oh yes I can. I have a note from a doctor.
26. Louie: I don't give a shit what that guy said, you can't do that.
27. Eddie: And why can't I do that?
28. Louie: Because
29. Eddie: Louie look me in the eye and tell me I have one good reason to live.
30. [pause]
31. Louie: [looks around, thinking] No.
32. Eddie: See, you got nothin.
33. Louie: No – no I'm not – I'm not playing that. I'm not doin it.
34. Eddie: What do you mean?
35. Louie: I mean – I mean fuck you man. I got my reasons to live. I worked hard to figure out what they are. I'm not just handing them to you. Okay? You want a reason to live? Have a drink of water and get some sleep. Wake up in the morning and try again like everyone else does.
36. Eddie: Yeah, yeah, I get it. Yeah, “tough love”.
37. Louie: Nah, no love. Okay? More like “tough not giving a shit anymore”, Eddie. If you want to tap out cause your life is shit... you know what it's not your life. It's life. It's- life is bigger than you. If you can imagine that. Life isn't something that you possess. It's something that you take part in and you witness.
38. Eddie: [giggling] You are – you are so excited right now. That you get to give the big speech. You would love to be the guy that talks this loser, who you never think about, out of suicide so you feel better about yourself. This is not about you Louie. This is just me saying good bye. It was nice to know you when I knew you.
39. Louie: You know you're laying this shit on me because-
40. [A couple arguing loudly with each other walks near by and the two look over for a moment. The couple is gone and they stand in silence for another moment.]
41. Louie: Listen man, I-I haven't seen you in twenty years. And you're right I don't think much about you. I hope you don't kill yourself. I really do. But I gotta go home.
42. Eddie: Alright
43. Louie: [talking over Eddie's line] I gotta pick up my kids in the morning.
44. Eddie: Okay man.
45. [They shake hands]
46. Louie: [skeptical] Alright man. I'm gonna take the subway okay?
47. Eddie: Alright. Thanks buddy.
48. Louie: Good luck in Maine okay?
49. [Louie gives Eddie a light slap on the cheek and a weak tap on the chest and walks away. He waves back as he goes and Eddie returns the wave. Eddie gets in his car and drives away.]